Fertility Medication: Month 2

January went well with the Clomid and Premarin.  I was ready for month two....February 2013.  I was eating clean, juicing fruits and veggies, and working out.  I wanted to make sure I was being as healthy as I could just in case I were to get pregnant.  Kind of sucks that I have such a sweet tooth!  I was going to put off getting blood work this month as well.  I was still in my "relax' mode.  

Daily Motivation #5

Fertility Medication: Month 1

It was January 30, 2013 and I was starting my first month of taking the medications.  It was really not so bad after all.  The only side effects I had were being slightly emotional at times and random hot flashes.  Boy I sure don't miss those, and I don't look forward to this when I get menopause.  Lol  

In the meantime, I was researching InVitro Fertilization.  I just wanted to be educated and comfortable with the idea of possibly doing this, just in case my journey would head in that direction.  Learning about the process was quite interesting.  It just makes you realize how much some people go through to get pregnant.  It takes someone special to endure this.  
 
My doctor suggested that I wait a couple of months before I get my bloodwork done again.  He wanted me to be less stressed about all the appointments and pressure that infertility was causing.  He also suggested that I tell people to "back off" with all the "When are you gonna get pregnant" questions. Hahahah I loved this.  He wanted me to be less stressed so my body could react to the medication.  Miguel and I agree'd.  I just kept pushing forward and began to be at peace with the situation.  I finally had my life and emotions somewhat back under control and I was completely fine with being a little afraid at times.  

January 2013- Fertility Medication

So now that I was facing the issue with not ovulating enough, it was time for the next step.... Fertility medication.  One month my Progesterone was at a 10.6, and the next it would drop to a 6.4, it was never consistent.  My doctor wanted it to be above a 12 for some good quality ovulation.  Not too low, and not too high.  In case you didn't know, I am a total freak when it comes to taking any sort of medication.  I am the person that reads all of the side effects and thinks that they're all going to happen.  I don't like to take medicine, which is why I didn't take anything for my first dye study.  I knew it was something that I had to do in order to continue on this journey.  My Uncle told me, "You have to think of it like this... Are those side effects worth POSSIBLY going through, for what the outcome of this all may be?"  And the answer was yes.  A baby is worth it.  I was already willing to sacrifice myself and I wasn't even a mom yet.

I was keeping my options open at this point.  If this didn't work, then I was headed to possibly preparing for Invitro Fertilization (IVF).  My doctor told me to be prepared for anything.  I went in to the doctor's office to learn how to take my new fertility medication.  My life was like clockwork... always on a schedule.  Bloodwork/ Ultrasounds/ Pills/ Call the Dr./ Track everything/ Menstrual calander...blah blah blah.. With the fertility medication they told me that I had a 10% chance in having multiples.  Although I would love to experience being pregnant more than once, the multiples idea did not bother me.  At this point I would be happy with whatever God blessed me with.  Even if that meant adopting.  

The Clomid was an ovulating stimulus, which would improve my ovulation.  We would continue to try to conceive with "precision" while I was on the medications.  This was to be started on a very specific day after a menstrual cycle, and only for 5 days per month.  
 The Premarin was estrogen.  This was to assist in the lack of cervical mucus due that would occue due to taking the Clomid.  This was to be taken for 5 days, immediately after the 5 days of Clomid.  

I could only be on the medication for 4-6 months.  If it was going to to work and assist in getting me pregnant, it would work in that particular time frame.  I was finally excited! This could be it!  In just a few months, I could be pregnant... and I finally had some hope.  Let's do this!

                                                      Tracking  Clomid & Premarin

 

Daily Motivation #4

January 2013... Another Year

After many months of getting my Progesterone levels tested (this was done via bloodwork on a specific day each month after my menstrual cycle), it had been discovered that I had another issue at hand.  On top of my right tube possibly being a hydrosalpinx according to all of the ultrasounds I was having done, I was now being told that I was not ovulating well enough every month.  My doctor described it as "your body is very up and down".  Basically, some months I ovulated well, some months not so well, and some not at all.  This was not what I wanted to hear.  I like to try and take care of things naturally, so I knew this issue was not going to be something I liked dealing with... and that meant possibly starting fertility medication. 

September 21, 2012 8:31AM Semen Analysis and Post Wash

The semen analysis was a success!  This process was extremely easy and quick.  We had this done at the Center of Reproductive Medicine.  We were both a bit skeptical in regards to how this process worked. Lol  They basically take the semen sample from the patient, in this case Miguel, and test it immediately.  The post wash that they performed on the semen, simply means that they test it to see how well the sperm survive after a 48 hour period of time, and whether or not they remain in good quality. They also test the motility, volume, and morphology of the semen.  After this, they create a report with all of this information, and then grade the semen.

Miguel was graded an A+!  This confirmed that Miguel was not the issue at hand in regards to our infertility.  It was me, just as I had thought all along. This was just another step in the journey towards our attempt to create a family, and knowing that his semen was healthy and good to go, was definitely a sense of relief.

The Emotional Rollercoaster (2012)

I was continuing to get my routine testing done.  I began to feel such an overwhelming feeling of insecurity and anxiety.  It was finally starting to hit me.  "I really can't get pregnant"  I would leave every doctor's appointment in tears....just sitting in my car.  It didn't matter if my mom was with me, or if Miguel was with me... I just couldn't take it anymore.  I just kept thinking to myself... "Why won't my body do, the one thing that a woman is suppose to do?!"  "What was this going to do to my marriage?"  "Can Miguel handle this......handle me?"  I couldn't stand it when people would say "Don't think about it so much, it'll happen".... Ughhh

My mind was racing with all of the possibilities.  I never thought that I would battle infertility.  Never.

I started to confide in my Uncle Curtis a lot.  He was my outlet.  My Aunt Abby and Uncle Curtis tried to conceive for years, and were unsuccessful.  How did they cope?   I needed to talk to someone who had experienced this first hand.  No one understands how this feels inside unless they have physically and mentally endured this themselves.  My Uncle was there for me throughout the entire process.  He would tell me how difficult it was going to be and how it would become an emotional rollercoaster.   My husband, mother, brother, sister, in-laws, and my closest friends..... the support was unconditional.

My anxiety and depression were getting the best of me at this point.  I was having panic attacks so frequently, that I knew that something had to give.  I never knew what a panic attack was until one night I thought I was dying of a heart attack......                       WORST.FEELING.EVER.    

I never let myself lose faith.  I prayed.... Alot.  I had many sleepless nights just tossing and turning.  I went to my doctor for some results one day, and I told him about my anxiety, holding back the tears, and my voice shaking.  He asked me if I wanted medication or a recommendation for a therapist.  He suggested therapy before medication.  I took the therapist name and number.....  I never called.  I told myself that what I was going through had to be 100% mental. I knew deep down that I was strong enough to get through this on my own.  My stepdad raised me to always "suck it up" and keep going. I definitely did not want to disappoint him.  I knew that I had to trust my struggle and keep pushing.  I didn't need medication... I needed inner strength.  This was happening for a reason.  I had to trust myself to be strong enough. 
 
 The mind is one of the most powerful things I have ever encountered.  It can control your entire life, and it does just that.  I changed my thinking.  I opened up to my family and husband about my anxiety  I needed to know that I wasn't alone in this.  They could not have been more supportive.    Miguel assured me that he would stick by my side, whether we had a baby or not. We were in this together.  We made vows to one another and that meant more to us than anything.  I decided to re-dedicate myself to the Lord and I was trying to get my mind back on track. 

I won that battle with anxiety.  I began to do a little bit of yoga, and meditation from time to time.  I do get anxious and feel it coming back every now and then, but I fight it.  Infertility is one of the most emotional things I've ever gone through, and I've been through a lot.  My mom has cried a lot during this journey.  I don't think I would have made it this far without her or Miguel.  They are my strength.  I try not to tell my mom when I'm feeling down, so she won't cry.  Every now and then I sit down and cry, or even when I leave a doctor's appointment.  It's only natural I think......and I also think that I'm entitled to those feelings.  I started to look at the bright side of things.  Some people were way worse off than I was.  There are kids dying out there, and I'm here crying because I can't get pregnant.  This was going to be a part of Miguel and I's journey.  We would have a story to tell.  I kept telling myself that this was happening for a reason. There was a divine purpose for this journey that I was on. I had 2 choices.. I could spend my days sad and feeling sorry for myself, or enjoy the journey and create a beautiful story. 

May 15, 2012 9:41:28AM

I went in for my routine Transvaginal Ultrasound.  My uterus looked normal as it had in the past studies. :)  At least I had one team player still going strong.  There was a dilated fluid-filled tube in the right adnexal region.  My right ovary was still cystic.  It was hard to distinguish the from the dilated tube considering their close proximity to one another.  Although difficult to see, there was a 2.5cm cyst on my right ovary with a single septation.  (This meant that the cyst was problematic, and contained both solid and liquid components.)

The right tube was being called a hydrosalpinx.  This was not confirmed in the two most recent studies, due to the absence of fluid.  

I was ready to take the next step.  Throughout this whole process I wanted to keep things as natural as possible.  My body was not cooperating. At this point, we needed to get Miguel's sperm checked.  My doctor had mentioned getting this done several times before, but I kept pushing it back.  I was almost 100% sure he wasn't the problem.  Considering that Miguel works in such hot environments, this was a slight concern, because it's not healthy for the sperm.  I still didn't think this was the issue.  We needed to rule him out of the problem before I would undergo any further testing.  

January 24, 2012 8:18:37AM

As time went on, I continued to get monitored.  I even got on birth control for some time to attempt to get rid of the cyst.  Miguel and I moved to Los Angeles for a year, and I remember being at work one afternoon and having some very uncomfortable abdominal pain.  I knew exactly what this pain was.  Its a discomfort unlike anything else.  There was no way  I had another cyst while on birth control.  That was the whole reason I got on the birth control in the first place!  I made an appt to get checked as soon as possible. My biggest fear was getting another infection. Sure enough, I had a cyst... even while on birth control.  This was such a bummer. :(  I felt like it was going to be a never-ending problem.  I got my first cyst in 7th grade, and it just seemed like nothing was ever going to change. This was really starting to affect me now.  Was it ever going to just go away, or would I be dealing with this for the rest of my life.  Unfortunately I don't have every single report from every ultrasound or blood work done.  I would be here forever!  Every month was different.  It seemed like nothing was ever consistent with my body.  

During this particular ultrasound they found what is called a Nabothian cyst.  These are small cysts on the cervix, and they are typically not harmful.  They are actually quite common.  Moving along......My right ovary that previously had a simple cyst developing, now either had a complex or hemorrhagic cyst.  Ughh...  Also found was a smaller paraovarian cyst.   These are usually small and are usually found near the fallopian tube and/or ovary, but are never attached to them.  The radiologist noted that this could possibly be the previous cyst that I had on my right ovary, or a new one that had developed.  It was hard to distinguish.  But looking on the bright side of things, there actually was good news with this ultrasound! The previous complex cyst that I had on my left ovary, was gone!  :)  There were no cyst found on my left side at all.  (My right side was always the problem area anyway, so this didn't surprise me.)  With all that being said, the radiologist suggested that I continued to get monitored. 

July 25, 2011 Blood Work & Results

My doctor ordered that I have blood work done to test several things that could possibly be affecting me while I was trying to get pregnant: 

First, my Progesterone level.  For the Progesterone test, you have to schedule it on a specific day of the month after your menstrual cycle to get the most accurate results.  The Progesterone level shows whether or not you are ovulating.  That number needs to be above a 5.  If it is any lower than a 5, then you did not ovulate that particular month.  It's one of those things where it can't be too low or too high.

The Thyroid Stimulating Hormone (TSH) test is a blood test to check your thyroid and make sure it is not under active or over active, also known as hypothyroidism or hyperthyroidism.  Abnormal levels can seriously affect you when you are trying to get pregnant. 

Another blood test done was my Anti-Mullerian Hormone (AMH) or Mullerian Inhibiting Substance (MIS) to test my ovarian reserve.  


                                                            RESULTS ARE IN!!
                                            Progesterone Level- 4.5 (Below Normal)
                                       TSH Level- 1.390 (Normal Thyroids .360-3.740)
                                       AMH/MIH- 5.55 ng/mL  (Normal Reserve Count)

 There it is... another issue.  I didn't ovulate that particular month.  Before jumping straight into fertility medication for low Progesterone, we decided to keep testing it to ensure accuracy and consistency.  Was I not ovulating every month, or was it fluctuating?  Not only that, I can't stop thinking about my scarred fallopian tubes.  How can this even be happening....

The first Hysterosalpingogram results are in!

                                                The catheter in place, before contrast has been injected.

                            The contrast fully injected and the tubes being shown, as well as spillage.
 

The test detected that I had a normal uterus.  There was early filling of the right tube and spillage into the peritoneal cavity.  This suggests that the right tube was open!  The right tube appeared mildly dilated distally.  There was delayed filling of the left tube.  The left tube contour was slightly irregular suggesting scarring.  Spillage from the left tube was identified as well... Open as well!! In other words, or for a better understanding... Both of my tubes were open!! The contrast in my left tube did not spill over as quick as the right tube due to scar tissue.  When I had the infected cyst back in 2008, the infection went through my fallopian tubes, thus slightly damaging them with scar tissue.  Because of this, my doctor didn't think that the sperm could get through my left tube fast enough due to the scar tissue, thus not allowing me to get pregnant on the left side as easily.  With that being said, I would have to use my right tube and "lean to the right" to continue trying to get pregnant.

July 22, 2011 10:16:49AM

This day would mark my first Hysterosalpingography (HSG or Dye Study).  This was basically a test, where they inject dye into your cervix and watch it spill out into your abdomen to see if both fallopian tubes are open.  I was beyond nervous.  I got to the hospital early that morning.  My doctor told me to take 800mg of Motrin (prescription strength) an hour before my procedure because the hospital would not be giving me any type of medication for the pain or discomfort I was about to endure....But of course, I didn't remember to take them.  The nurse came out and asked me to draw blood for a pregnancy test.  I obviously knew what those results were going to be, but I knew it was just proper protocol. Once I got the negative pregnancy test results, it was time for the procedure.

My mom was with me at the time, because Miguel had to work.  I think she was more nervous than I was.   There were 3 other people in the room.  The doctor, the nurse, and an assistant.  They had me lay on this steel table.  I was shaking.  They began by using clamps to open me up in order to properly place the A6 French Catheter inside of me and attach it to my uterus.  The nurse stood over me, holding my hand and instructing me on how to breathe.  "Just focus on your breathing... Deep breaths in and out", she would tell me.  Once the catheter was attached, then they began to inject the contrast (5mL of it).  They had this machine over my abdomen in order for the doctor to watch the study on a screen.  The contrast makes your tubes swell, and you instantly feel tremendous pressure and abdominal cramping.  You are just so uncomfortable, that you want to just push everyone away from you.  They tell me to take deep breaths and keep still because the dye can make me feel like I want to faint. Oh well, that's just wonderful.  Once the study was over, I was instructed to lay there for a couple of minutes so that I wouldn't pass out from the left over contrast in my system.  When it was all said and done, I could not be happier that it was all over with!!  I told myself I would never do that test again.  Never.  Now I just wait for my doctor to call me with results....

May 24, 2011 9:15:23AM

I began to get Pelvis Transvaginal Ultrasounds every 3 months to monitor the cyst.  During this particular ultrasound there was a 2.8 cm simple right ovarian cyst, and a 3.2 cm complex left ovarian cyst containing low level echoes.  This complex cyst was more consistent with a hemorrhagic cyst (Possibly filled with blood).  In previous ultrasounds they suggested that one of my tubes could be a possible hydrosalpinx, but in this current study it was no longer being seen.  There was also mild free fluid seen adjacent to the right ovary.  Things didn't look too bad, so I kept trying to get pregnant and I continued to get my ultrasounds done every 3 months to track my progress and condition of the cysts.  

Soon after... my doctor scheduled for me to have my first Hysterosalpingography (HSG) done.

Daily Motivation #3

Let The Journey Begin

On October 30, 2010 Miguel and I got married. <3  I was beyond excited and happy.  We had been talking about having kids, which made me so excited to finally get off of my birth control once the madness of the wedding was over with.  I quickly made an appointment with my doctor to inform him that I would be getting off my birth control that I had been taking for my ovarian cysts, just to make sure it would be a safe thing to do, so that I could start trying to get pregnant.  I got the approval and my doctor was on board!  I waited for 3 months to start "trying", per my doctor's request once I completely stopped taking my birth control.  By December of 2010, we were officially "trying"!   I had read that if you don't get pregnant after a year of trying to conceive and you are under the age of 35, then it is best to seek medical help to see if there could be a potential problem.  After a year had gone by, I still had not gotten pregnant.  At this point I didn't think too much into it.  I just thought that maybe my timing was off.  I told myself that I had to be more precise.  I started to constantly track my menstrual cycles, ovulation, marked my calendar, and even bought home ovulation kits.  Another 6 months passed. Nothing. It had been a year and a half, and nothing had happened.  I started to think that maybe something could be going on that I was not aware of, and I decided to make a doctors appointment.  This is where my journey with infertility begins.