Feeling the Love

After an emotionally stressful and draining day, I came home to a thoughtful and loving package from one of my TTC Sisters on Instagtram.  Thank you for the love Meagan! :)

 

April 14, 2014: Cycle 1, Cycle Day 3

It was finally time!! We were able to start trying again!!  This would be our first cycle to try after my second procedure.  I would be doing Letrozole, Menopur, and Ovidrel with scheduled intercourse.  I had to call the doctor when I started my cycle and be in their office by cycle day 3. So here I was!  I had to do my baseline ultrasounds and bloodwork.  It had been about 4 weeks since my surgery and I was so excited that the time had come and how fast it had all flown by.  They complete my bloodwork like a breeze.  That's never the hard part.  What is nerve wrecking are the ultrasounds.  So they began doing my ultrasounds and it was so uncomfortable.  I just had a bit of a feeling because this is just all too familiar.  Sure enough... the cyst was back.  WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!??!?!  It had only been 4 weeks since my surgery for goodness sakes and the cyst was already back!!!!  How is this even happening??  My mom looked so disappointed.  She said you could see the emotion all over my face.  I couldn't believe the cyst was back.  I was fighting back the tears more than ever so this lady could finish my ultrasounds.  The nurse said that there was a chance that my cycle would be cancelled because of this.  I was coming up with anything I could to try to convince her that everything was ok, and I wanted to start no matter what.  She said that it would ultimately be up to the doctor.  I told her that we would not be using the right side to conceive, due to what he found during surgery.  We would solely be relying on the left side to get pregnant, so it should be ok....right?  The ultrasounds were over.  The nurse told me to keep my Letrozole medication with me just in case I got the all clear.  I was instructed to start the Letrozole by 4pm if the doctor did not call me to cancel my cycle.  He would be reviewing the ultrasounds and bloodwork and making a decision on whether or not I could continue with this cyst present.  All I could do is wait.  That was one of the longest days ever.  I barely managed to pull myself together to walk into work after that appointment.  The minute the girls asked me how things went, I lost it.  I just needed time to process things, and clear my head, and all I could think about was the doctor possibly calling to cancel my cycle.  I'm pretty sure I checked my phone every 5 minutes to see if he had called.  No call.  Finally, it was almost 4 o'clock and the doctor never called!!  That means I was cleared to start treatment!!! WHOOOHOOO!!!! :) :)  At 5pm, I took my first Letrozole. 

 

Keep It Going

     When going through such a difficult time, you must find your faith, peace, happiness, joy and hope.  It is important to find ways to pull through.  It's definitely ok to have your bad days.....  you're allowed to.  Allow yourself to cry, and breakdown. BUT... find a stopping point and move on.  You just have to find a way to smile and keep going everyday.  My place of peace is the beach.  My husband knows how much I love to be on the water, so I love it when he takes me there.  I zone out.  Just sit there.  Breathe deeply.  Absorb nature and all it's beauty.  Be happy.    #Faith

Gifts of Love From Co-Workers

This is the gift basket that my friends at Macy's gave to me when I returned back to work!! I was in tears reading their sweet messages of love and support.  I am so very blessed to have such great, loving, and caring people in my life and my place of work. 

THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU

 

Daily Motivation #19

April 4, 2014: Post-Op Appointment!

     It was finally my post-op!!  It seemed like it had been forever since my surgery.  I was still recovering but each day I was feeling better and better.  I told the doctor that I was still in some discomfort on my right side.  I wasn't sure what it was, but I told him that the only way I could describe it was by comparing it to an ovarian cyst.  He told me that he thinks that I will have a little pain and discomfort for the rest of my life there.  He said that when they went in to do surgery they noticed that my ovary was not in the correct position.  It was sitting in this little shelf extremely close to the tube that connects your bladder to your kidneys.  He said that the position it is in, will most likely cause the discomfort that I am feeling from here on out, and most likely it was something I was born with.  This could happen with an infection, but I don't have enough scar tissue in that area to make him believe so.  It was just my anatomy.  With that being said, if I were to ever have to do IVF, they may not be able to use that particular ovary to retrieve eggs from.  It was just too close to other things and it could not be moved out of that position.  It was just too risky.  He said to do IVF and utilize that ovary, they would probably have to do things a bit differently as a precaution, for example like possibly go through my stomach. 
   The doctor said that he was a bit shocked when he went in to remove the wall of the cyst.  When he cut it open, he expected to see my ovary because we were under the impression that it was an ovarian cyst.  Well....it wasn't.  When he cut it open, fluid gushed out.  It was a different type of cyst!!!!  See what had happened was.... scar tissue from my previous surgery formed to my body and then filled up with fluids.  This explains why the "ovarian" cyst never shrunk with all the birth control attempts.  That's because it was something different and not something that would respond to birth control.  Just my luck, right?!
     My incisions were looking great!!  I had to have two cycles before I was able to try to conceive again.  So it was just a bit of a waiting period which was fine, because it gave my body time to heal itself.   I was excited that things were going well and I had another procedure behind me. 

  This is my right ovary in the improper position.   All tucked inside its own little space. 

         The tube you see to the left of it is what connects your bladder to your kidneys. 

 This is my left ovary and what the right one should look like.  Hanging out in the abdomen in the proper position. 

Keep it Moving & Embrace the Process

                         Embracing the process in order to find peace and happiness. 

The Healing Continues... :)

During my healing I had the best friends and family members taking so much time out of their day to take care of my and make sure that I had everything that I needed.  Their love and support is so endless and it means so much to me.  I seriously don't know what I would do without some of them.  My niece and nephew even surprised me and came over to snuggle and we watched Frozen together.  My brother even cooked for me!  Thanks a million for all of the unconditional love. :)
 

 

 

Post-Operative Healing & Recovery

I was home from surgery.  Although this surgery was very similar to my previous operation, the healing and recovery felt a bit different.  I felt more drained from this one for some reason.  Maybe it was the medications used, and maybe that's why my recovery time was so much longer.  The pain from the gas was making me miserable.  I woke up the next day in tears from the pain.  I don't take pain medicine, so I just endured the pain and tried to sleep it off.  The gas continued to travel up my body and into my neck.  No position was comfortable.  Not laying, sitting up, walking, showering, nothing.  It would just take time.  One of the great things about this procedure is that they just re-opened my previous incisions, instead of creating new ones.  I couldn't wait for my post-op appointment to find out all of the details.  So for the next couple of weeks, I would be resting and relaxing. 

                                 

                                   Post- Surgery bloat from the CO2 Gas inflated into my abdomen

 

                           

                                                                              The first look at my stomach

                                                   One of my incisions and post operative bruising

                                                                        Post surgery stomach & bloating

                               My babies taking good care of their momma and keeping me company :)

March 14, 2014: Surgery Day!

Surgery #2 was finally here!  Of course I was a bit of a nervous wreck but I felt a bit more calm than my previous surgery.  I guess because I was a little bit more familiar with how things would take place.  I was instructed to take 2 weeks off of work to recover this time around, which was a bit longer than my previous surgery.  I didn't have to wake up until 7am, but I woke up way earlier anxious to get this over with and thinking it was time to go.  Of course I wasn't able to go back to sleep.  We got to the surgery center and they did all my paperwork, you know, the usual protocol.  I felt like everything was just going by so fast.  After my paperwork was done they quickly got me dressed, put in a bed and my iv was in place.  My family came back to be with me until the doctor came, and all the anesthesiologsts came to talk to me.  Of course I told them my fears as usual.  I was a nervous wreck.  They were doing their best to keep me calm.  Before I knew it, it was time to be rolled into the operating room.  They had given me a little something to calm my nerves, but it definitely did not feel like enough, because I was still sort of mentally freaking out.  When we got into the operating room, they had me wiggle onto the operating table under the big lights.  I kept thinking, when are they going to knock my ass out??!!  I felt them strap my legs down into some massaging bands.  The next thing I knew, I had an oxygen mask on my face, I looked back and saw my doctor, and I was out!  

Surgery was done!  I woke up in a panic.  I've never experienced anything like this from medication before, and I've had several procedures done.  I woke up with my body feeling very suppressed.  I couldn't move or talk.  I still had an oxygen mask on my face, and I started to hyperventilate.  I just felt like I couldn't breathe deeply enough and I couldn't really talk.  I ripped my oxygen mask off and started to freak out trying to take deep breaths.  The two nurses in my recovery room were very calm and put my mask back on.  I kept taking it off and they kept putting it on.  Once the panic left and I felt somewhat normal, I got the shakes.  When I googled this, it said that it is called post-anesthesia tremors.  I'm not 100% sure if this is what I had, but I could not stop shaking.  My entire body was just shaking like crazy.  The nurse asked me if I was cold and I told her no, and that I didn't know what was going on.  She said that it was my body's way of metabolizing the medications and that it is normal to experience this after anesthesia.  Although I wasn't cold, they put this huge heated blanket on me.  It basically blows hot air inside of it and puffs up.  I loved this blanket.  I wanted to take it home.  Sure enough, it changed my body temperature and the shakes subsided.  I was starting to feel as great as I could for just having a surgery.  

I stayed in recovery for quite a bit, but the nurses were very impressed with my progress.  They made sure that I was able to use the restroom and drank enough water before I was released.  Soon after that, I was released and heading home.  Surgery #2 was complete!