January 21st was finally here! Those 6 weeks felt like a freaking eternity! I had been mentally preparing myself for the news I didn't want to hear....surgery. We got everything ready for the ultrasound. I told my doctor about the pain and discomfort that I was still continuing to experience.
He had previously told me that there were cysts that just don't resolve
on their own, and he had a feeling that this would be one of those cyst.
Well....he was right. The ultrasound results showed that the cyst was
still there and it had not shrunken at all. The stronger, more potent birth control hadn't worked as we had planned and hoped it would. So...surgery it is. I thought
for sure that after my first surgery, I would finally be able to get
pregnant. Year after year of trying, tests, procedures, surgery, medications....I thought I was closer than ever! I figured there could possibly be a few more bumps in the
road, but I definitely did not think another surgery would be
needed....... yet here I was preparing for another one.
The doctor instructed me to stay on the pills that I was currently taking until the day of surgery, while continuing to suppress my cycles. I would be getting contacted by the end of the week in regards to a scheduling a day to perform the surgery on. The doctor told me that with this surgery, they would be removing the wall of the cyst to ensure that it never comes back again, and they would do it laparoscopic once again. Although this cyst will never come back, there is still a chance that new ones may develop in the future. I asked him why I couldn't just start fertility drugs with the cyst present.....He told me that my body would not respond to the medications properly with the cyst present. Although I was being strong and left the office without crying..... for once, deep down I was crushed.
As you look the picture below, you can see the large cyst on the right side of the screen. On an ultrasound, fluid appears black. The entire black mass on the right is the cyst. Once the doctor and nurses left the room, I just stared at the screen for a moment, and just shook my head as I got dressed to leave and snapped a picture. If it were just a simple cyst this would not be happening. Since it is a complex cyst with abnormal characteristics, there is nothing I can do but to have another surgery.
Next step.... FInd a date for have the next surgery!
It was January 20, 2014, and the night before my next appointment. I was still having some pain and discomfort on my side. Although I had a feeling what the results were going to be, I still had a bit a hope that there would maybe be some good news. I was mostly excited that I wouldn't have to take anymore of these strong birth control pills! Although anxious and a bit nervous, I was more than ready for this 6 weeks to over, so we could find out what would be happening next.
I could still feel my side throbbing. Why wasn't this thing going away? I just knew I was going to need another surgery. It's not that I was just being negative, but it would be just my luck. I started to mentally prepare myself. Didn't even shed a tear. If I was going to have to endure this journey even more, I knew I had to be strong. I confided in my husband alot. I told him my fears, my worries, and my anxieties. He always gave me the reassurance I needed to keep going. He was going to be by my side no matter what. We were in this together.
We decided to take a spontaneous trip to the beach with some friends one Saturday night. The beach is like therapy for me. Why pay someone, when I have nature to sooth my soul?.... Is it a coincidence that it is cold and raining as I type this entry? The next morning we woke up and I had the hubby take me to Starbucks. I sat on the rocks and drank my coffee on the beautiful beach, as the sun was barely saying hello. I just listened to the waves crash and hung out with my husband and friends in silence. I could stay there all day, getting lost in my thoughts, and zoning out to where I wouldn't think at all. This was exactly what I needed. I kept thinking about what would be happening next in this journey, and I kept telling myself that I could get through this. I've come this far. I had no other choice but to keep pushing through.
48 hours to go until my next appointment... I knew where this was going.....
I am halfway there for this 6 week process. Going
into week 3! Still continuing to skip the sugar pills, suppressing my cycles, and then 3 more weeks to go, until I find out if everything went as planned. I am continuing to have
faith during the process, not knowing what the results will show.
