Monday, August 26, 2013

The Center of Reproductive Medicine

Today was the day that I would be meeting my new doctor....  a fertility specialist named Dr. John Crochet.  Basically during this appointment we would be talking about my issue in a consultation room and then doing a full exam, along with some ultrasounds.  During the consultation we went through everything.  I gave him all of my records and test results that I had been doing with my OBGYN that ultimately led us up to this point, and we discussed the ins and outs of my issues.  Dr. Crochet was under the impression that the toxic fluid in my right fallopian tube, the hydrosalpinx, was possibly falling back into my uterus.  He said that the entire environment inside of me was toxic.  I wasn't even making embryos because of this.  There was no way for my egg to meet up with any sperm.  At this point, there was no way for me to get pregnant with this tube inside of me.  This is exactly what I had expected to hear.  

We then went into the untrasound room.  During the ultrasound he was looking for my ovaries to check the size, etc. of them.  The left one looked normal, but had a cyst on it.  The right one also had a cyst on it, but he could barely even see the ovary because the tube was so large and dilated.  He then checked my uterus.  It had no fluid in it, and looked normal.  This was a good sign!  Next we looked at my right tube, the hydrosalpinx. He wanted to put pressure on it, to see the fluid and how dilated it was.  As he was pushing on the tube, he said.."Wow, I've never seen this on an ultrasound before!  This is remarkable and kind of cool!"  Basically, when he was pushing on the hyrdrosalpinx, you could see the fluid falling back into my uterus.  My uterus was now partially filled with fluid.  This confirmed all of the speculation and diagnosis from previous exams.  This fluid was also going towards my 'good' left tube.  It was killing off any sperm in the area, and not allowing my eggs to develop properly.  This right tube had to go if I were to ever want to get pregnant without InVitro!


Before leaving I went into the lab to get some bloodwork done and check my egg count once again.  I wouldn't get these results until my Pre-Op appointment was set.  

At this moment, I was crushed.  It felt more real then it ever had before.  The doctor told me the fertility medications would be useless at this point.  Instead, he put me on birth control to get rid of the ovarian cysts.  How did I go from thinking "This could be the month!", to being on birth control!??!  It was quite devastating.  I would stay on  birth control until the day of surgery.  I was told to skip the sugar pills and go straight into the next pack, and do this for 4 months.  We would be suppressing my periods in hopes that the cysts would be gone before I went in for surgery.   

As much as I didn't want to have surgery, it was what I had to do if I ever wanted to become a mother one day.  At this point I knew my next step would be to start the birth control, and check my calendar to schedule the big day.






Friday, August 16, 2013

The Journey Continues...

So I'm going about my day, and I get a phone call from my doctor. I specifically remember I was checking the mail when he called me.   He said that there was a fertility doctor that really wanted to get involved with us, and help me out.  His name was Dr. John Crochet at The Center of Reproductive Medicine.  Dr. Crochet had gone to my gyno' s office one day to visit and catch up.  My doctor presented my case to him just to get further information and a second opinion on the issues that I was having with infertility.  After about a 30 minute conversation, both doctors were ready for the next step.  They thoroughly discussed the issues at hand and came to the agreement that I needed to have surgery. 

 They both agreed that the fluid in my hydrosalpinx was the main issue at hand, due to it's toxicity.  My doctor informed me that if I did not have surgery to take care of this issue, it could possibly lead to me having further problems with the rest of my reproductive system.  That was definitely the last thing I wanted.  The fertility specialist confirmed everything that we had been doing thus far with the procedures and testing, were are on the right track.  Both my doctor and the fertility doctor said, "We will do whatever it takes to get you pregnant!"  

I hung up the phone in tears of joy and fear.  My doctor had done so much to help me out and he was still trying to explore every avenue of this issue, and for that I was grateful.  At the same time, I was scared.  I didn't want to have surgery, but I knew that I had to do whatever it was that was necessary for me to have a baby.  My next step was to set up an appointment with the fertility specialist.  I was pretty excited about this doctor's appointment because I felt like it could possibly give us further information about my infertility and this toxic fluid inside of me.  I would now be under the care of two different doctors!  I was continuing to take my Clomid and Premarin.  I did not get pregnant during the month that I was highly anticipating to get pregnant in.  :(   It was now April and my fourth month on the fertility medications.... maybe this would be the month?  I sure hoped so.  For me there was still hope that the medications could work.  After all, I do have one tube working properly!



Sunday, August 11, 2013

Emotions and Coping

At first I wasn't sure how my husband would handle all of this.  Men are so different from us woman.  Going through infertility is something that you think would never happen to you.  You don't know how you would handle it unless you are living it.  I was getting so irritated with people saying things to me.  For instance, "Just relax it'll happen."   "You just think about it too much".  "I understand how you feel".  

Nobody understands or can even slightly comprehend how this feels.  Unless you have physically and emotionally fought through infertility personally, you have no clue what it's like. 

My husband is my everything.  He has been very positive and such a huge support system through this entire journey.  He is my rock.  He lets me cry when I need to cry and says just the right things. Of course we have our good and our bad days, but we are in this together, no matter what the outcome may be.  

 I was actually happy regardless of the situation.,, and I was proud of myself for that.  How could I not be happy??? I had a wonderful husband, family, friends, my health, my fur babies.. I was alive!!!  I know I'm strong, but there were days when the reality of the situation would hit me hard.  Days where I felt like my body had betrayed me.  I would just cry until I felt better.  I learned to control that.  My best friend Alicia told me "Let yourself cry.  You need to".  I listened to her every word and it helped me cope.  I would stop myself at times and think... "This isn't so bad.  There are people and children dying out there.  Praying for just one more breath.  It could be worse.  There are people out there who would gladly trade places with me." 

 I had to have FAITH.  This is where the core of my strength lies.  This was happening for a reason, and I knew I was strong enough to go through this.  

My husband knows how my I love being on the water.  It's my sanctuary.  He decided to give me a day at the beach.  :)  I just needed to be near the water, listening to the waves crash, while soaking up the sun.  Nature is bliss.   #Blessed



So what now...

So what now??  I went in for my follow-up appointment with my gyno in regards to my dye study results.  Miguel and I were just wondering what this all meant for us.  My doctor told me that the best way for me to get pregnant would of course be InVitro.  This way we could just bypass my tubes.  I knew this would be the best option but I wasn't ready to just jump into that quite yet.  I wanted it to happen on it's own.  Not to mention I got quoted $20,000 for it.  Most insurances don't cover InVitro either.  The doctor basically told me that the tube needed to come out.  It was an issue in the beginning and it continues to be a problem now.  It just needed to go.  He still kept me on the fertility meds because I told him that even though the tube was an issue, I wanted to keep trying.    The doctor told me to just relax.  He said that people are probably constantly asking me when I am going to have a baby and the pressure can be very overwhelming.  He was right.  He told Miguel and I to tell people "We will call you when we get pregnant."   I started to lie to people and tell them that I wanted to finish school before I had a baby, so people would begin to back off.  It was beginning to be just too much, emotionally, at times. 

The big question was this.... Ok yes I have a bad tube, but at my age and being healthy, why wasn't I getting pregnant with my good tube.  That one should working just fine.   ??????   

I decided to keep trying until I was at the end of the road with fertility medications.  So now we sit back and wait to see what would happen. 

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Daily Motivation #8


Daily Motivation #7


Hydrosalpinx= INFERTILITY

And there lies the problem.  My right fallopian tube was actually confirmed as a large hydrosalpinx.  Let me break down this picture to you.  

Down the middle you can see a white thin line... that is the catheter, which is attached to my uterus.  This is where they inject contrast (dye) and watch it go through my fallopian tubes and wait to see if it spills out into my abdomen.  That of course would mean that the fallopian tubes are open.  On the right side of the picture, you can see some white stuff that looks kind of like smoke....that is the contrast spilling out into my abdomen as it exits my left fallopian tube.  This is considered normal and what it is suppose to look like!

Now, compare this to the left side of the picture.  On the left side of the picture you will see what looks like a large white mass.  That is my right fallopian tube.  The reason why it is so large is because it is the hydrosalpinx.  (The hydrosalpinx is a closed fallopian tube that is dilated and filled with fluid.)  The end of my fallopian tube is closed, not allowing the contrast to exit and spill out.  Therefore, it just continues to fill with contrast, making the tube larger and larger.

And there you have it.....    This was the whole existence of my infertility, right before my eyes.



 

April 4, 2013 9:37:49AM

Well this was a day that I was dreading.  After my first dye study I told myself that I would never do that test again...and here I was back in the hospital anxiously awaiting another test.  I was slightly hopeful about one thing.....this was month 4 of being on the fertility medications.  I called my doctor's office and found out that my progesterone levels shot up to a 30.  Can you believe it!!  I was ovulating!!  The medications were actually working :)  My doctor, the nurses, and the radiologists told me that the dye study sort of "flushes" your tubes out, leaving them clean.  I was also aware that most women on the medications I was taking, normally get pregnant during month 4 of taking them.  So with clean tubes, my body ovulating,  and April being my fourth month of being on the medications.. I was sooo excited, because this could be it.  My doctor told me, if I were to get pregnant while on these medications, this would most likely be the month. :)  Lets do this!

Miguel went with me to this dye study.  He looked a bit nervous.  So was I.  When we arrived at the hospital they did a blood test to make sure I wasn't pregnant before the test began.  I mean... really..obviously I wasn't pregnant. I know it's just protocol, so moving on....  Once they had us back in the room, they had the catheter and all of their tools out and ready.  Once the catheter was inside of me and successfully attached to my uterus, they called Miguel over closer to them to watch the screen as they injected the contrast into my body.  The doctor explained to him and I exactly what they were doing, and also showed him what to look for.  The previous dye study detected that both of my tubes were open.  I was praying this was still the case.  I laid there on that steel table, taking deep breaths, ready for it to be over with. 

The doctor said... "There's no spillage coming from your right tube."  I'm thinking to myself...What does that mean?!  I sat up on the metal table and asked him what that meant for me trying to have a baby.  He said, "The right tube is closed, and is filled with fluid.  As long as you have your left tube, you can still get pregnant, but this does cut your chances in half.  Your right tube will not work to get you pregnant at this point."

The test was over.  There was so much contrast left in my right tube, they had me lay there for a while so I wouldn't pass out.  It is water base so eventually your body absorbs it.  I was so sad, I remember I began crying when I got in the car.  My right tube had closed over the past 2 years, and that left me with just one side to try and conceive with. But I had to stay positive, because after all, this could be the month...... remember!  This could happen with one tube!  I had to come to peace that this situation was not in my control.  It never was in my control in the first place.  Whatever was meant to happen would happen, and I had to be ok with whatever the outcome would be.  

I would soon be getting in touch with my gyno to talk about what the next step would be. 

                                                         Progesterone Bloodwork


                                                  

                                                Clomid and Premarin Continues..



                                                                Dye Study #2






Daily Motivation #6


March 6, 2013 4:19PM

Today would be the day that I would get my Transvaginal Ultrasound to monitor my ovaries from being on these medications.  My uterus came back normal. I was happy this was never an issue in trying to conceive.  There was no change on my right side.  There was still a stable complex cyst, containing "debris" there.  It felt like this would never change.  My right tube was still dilated and fluid-filled as it was in the previous ultrasound.  They could hardly see my right ovary due to this dilated tube.  Poor ovary.

Although everything that had been contributing to my trouble was still there, nothing had gotten worse from the fertility medications, so for that I was very thankful.

At this point it was time to get some bloodwork done to monitor my Progesterone levels.  Had the Clomid and Premarin been working?  Was I finally ovulating well enough to conceive?  

Also, we set up another Hysterosalpingography (Dye Study).  We thought..."Well we have a current ultrasound, and were going to have current blood work, let's have a current dye study as well, and piece everything together with all of our most current information."




Fertility Medication: Month 3

Well along came month 3 of being on the Clomid and Premarin. I was getting more excited as each month passed me by.  I knew that month 4 would be a crucial month of being on the medications, so I was ready to finish month 3.  My doctor decided that we should do a recent ultrasound to check my ovaries for cysts.  I was the one who suggested this in the first place.  One of the side effects of being on this medication is that it can produce ovarian cysts, which is not what I wanted.  That's what got me here in the first damn place.  Time to schedule my ultrasound!